How you react to your child’s report can impact their motivation, self-esteem and sense of control over their learning. So it’s important to look beyond the grades before you respond. This is especially true for those children who have a learning focus or behavioural issue.
Grades improved, but less than you expected.
You might be tempted to say, “I was expecting to see more improvement than this.” But it’s important to remember that any improvement is progress, and even a little bit can take a lot of effort. Recognising this provides an opportunity to talk about what’s working well.
Instead, try saying, “Well done! What do you think helped you to make those improvements? Would the same strategies be helpful for other subjects, too?”
Grades and effort both need improvement.
When the news isn’t great, you might be tempted to blurt out, “You’re grounded until your attitude and grades improve!” But take a deep breath and try this approach instead: “I need to take some time to think about what I want to say. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”
Then, think about what “improvement” looks like. Be realistic and define it for your child: “Here are the expectations for the next report. Let’s come up with a plan to make it happen.”
Grades have improved since the last report.
When the results are positive, you might be tempted to say, “I knew if you tried harder you could do better!” But “trying harder” isn’t how kids with learning and attention issues do better in school.
Instead, you can say something like, “Awesome! Looks like using new strategies for homework and studying really paid off.”
Grades stayed the same, but effort has improved.
When you’re looking for improvement in grades you may overlook teacher comments about progress in other areas. You might be tempted to say: “Well, your effort is better. If only your grades were better, too.” But if your child doesn’t enjoy school, greater effort and an improved effort is progress.
Instead, try saying, “It’s good to hear you’re more comfortable in school, and to see that you’re doing well with your homework. Let’s work on test-taking for the next report.”
Some grades improved, and others dropped.
Since some subjects have improved, you might be tempted to say: “What happened with the rest of your classes?” But as your child gets older, the expectations for learning change and may be harder to meet in some subjects.
It’s more productive to say, “Your math and science grades look great! But I’m a little disappointed about the others. What’s different in those classes?” Talk about changes that might help, such as a quieter homework area or working with a tutor. If they’re old enough, you can also suggest that they speak with their teachers about strategies that could help them improve.
Your child is struggling with most classes despite working hard.
If you’re surprised, you might be tempted to say: “You’re struggling with everything?! I thought you were working hard!” Your child’s performance may have little to do with effort, though. Do they have the necessary supports? Maybe it’s time to consider testing or revisit their IEP goals.
You can say this instead: “I’m really surprised by these grades—I know you worked hard. After we talk about what you think could help you, I’m going to ask for a meeting at school to come up with a better plan.”
Grades have taken a sudden nosedive.
When your child is suddenly falling behind in everything, you might be tempted to say: “What on earth is going on with you?” But it’s important to think about any other signs that something’s wrong. Have you seen changes in their behaviour or friendships recently?
If so, you could say, “I’m really not happy with this, and I’ve noticed other changes in you lately. Take a day to think about what your teachers and I can do to help. Tomorrow we’ll talk and come up with a plan for moving forward.”
Your child is disappointed they didn’t do better.
You might be tempted to say, “I don’t understand why you’re upset. This report looks pretty good.” If your child has been expecting a bigger “payoff” for their hard work, however, it might not look good enough.
Instead you can say, “I understand that you’re disappointed, but I’m happy with this. I see your hard work paying off.”
You know they didn’t put in the necessary work.
Out of frustration you might be tempted to say, “I knew this was going to happen! I’m taking your phone until you fix it!” But your child can’t prove it’s “fixed” until the next report and that’s too long for any form of punishment to be meaningful or effective.
A better approach might be to say, “You can’t change your report, but you can—and will—change your approach to school. You aren’t going to use your phone until your homework is done and checked each day.”
Grades improved, but less than you expected.
You might be tempted to say, “I was expecting to see more improvement than this.” But it’s important to remember that any improvement is progress, and even a little bit can take a lot of effort. Recognising this provides an opportunity to talk about what’s working well.
Instead, try saying, “Well done! What do you think helped you to make those improvements? Would the same strategies be helpful for other subjects, too?”
Grades and effort both need improvement.
When the news isn’t great, you might be tempted to blurt out, “You’re grounded until your attitude and grades improve!” But take a deep breath and try this approach instead: “I need to take some time to think about what I want to say. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”
Then, think about what “improvement” looks like. Be realistic and define it for your child: “Here are the expectations for the next report. Let’s come up with a plan to make it happen.”
Grades have improved since the last report.
When the results are positive, you might be tempted to say, “I knew if you tried harder you could do better!” But “trying harder” isn’t how kids with learning and attention issues do better in school.
Instead, you can say something like, “Awesome! Looks like using new strategies for homework and studying really paid off.”
Grades stayed the same, but effort has improved.
When you’re looking for improvement in grades you may overlook teacher comments about progress in other areas. You might be tempted to say: “Well, your effort is better. If only your grades were better, too.” But if your child doesn’t enjoy school, greater effort and an improved effort is progress.
Instead, try saying, “It’s good to hear you’re more comfortable in school, and to see that you’re doing well with your homework. Let’s work on test-taking for the next report.”
Some grades improved, and others dropped.
Since some subjects have improved, you might be tempted to say: “What happened with the rest of your classes?” But as your child gets older, the expectations for learning change and may be harder to meet in some subjects.
It’s more productive to say, “Your math and science grades look great! But I’m a little disappointed about the others. What’s different in those classes?” Talk about changes that might help, such as a quieter homework area or working with a tutor. If they’re old enough, you can also suggest that they speak with their teachers about strategies that could help them improve.
Your child is struggling with most classes despite working hard.
If you’re surprised, you might be tempted to say: “You’re struggling with everything?! I thought you were working hard!” Your child’s performance may have little to do with effort, though. Do they have the necessary supports? Maybe it’s time to consider testing or revisit their IEP goals.
You can say this instead: “I’m really surprised by these grades—I know you worked hard. After we talk about what you think could help you, I’m going to ask for a meeting at school to come up with a better plan.”
Grades have taken a sudden nosedive.
When your child is suddenly falling behind in everything, you might be tempted to say: “What on earth is going on with you?” But it’s important to think about any other signs that something’s wrong. Have you seen changes in their behaviour or friendships recently?
If so, you could say, “I’m really not happy with this, and I’ve noticed other changes in you lately. Take a day to think about what your teachers and I can do to help. Tomorrow we’ll talk and come up with a plan for moving forward.”
Your child is disappointed they didn’t do better.
You might be tempted to say, “I don’t understand why you’re upset. This report looks pretty good.” If your child has been expecting a bigger “payoff” for their hard work, however, it might not look good enough.
Instead you can say, “I understand that you’re disappointed, but I’m happy with this. I see your hard work paying off.”
You know they didn’t put in the necessary work.
Out of frustration you might be tempted to say, “I knew this was going to happen! I’m taking your phone until you fix it!” But your child can’t prove it’s “fixed” until the next report and that’s too long for any form of punishment to be meaningful or effective.
A better approach might be to say, “You can’t change your report, but you can—and will—change your approach to school. You aren’t going to use your phone until your homework is done and checked each day.”
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